The Road More Traveled

Well, as hard as it is to believe, I chose the wrong road again....Maybe after the holidays I can do better. There is bound to be another crossroad. This sucks...

Trying Not to Give Up

Once again I find myself at a crossroads-do I continue down the path to good health and happiness, or do I continue to wallow in my self doubt and eat myself to death by the time I am 40?

You would think it would be an easy decision, but it is unfortunately the hardest decision I make on a daily, even hourly basis. So, why is it so hard you may ask? The choice seems obvious. Lose weight--live longer, don't have to dread getting dressed everyday, can go into a store and buy clothes if you want to, can walk up one flight of stairs without being out of breath, can sit in chairs without worrying if they are going to hold you, etc. Don't lose weight--die sooner and live miserably everyday until death comes. Easy choice right?

You would think so, but everyday I wake up thinking, "Today is the day I am going to do it. I am going to eat right (whatever that means) or I am not going to eat or I am going to exercise. But, inevitably, I never do follow through. Something compels me to eat whatever I want, whatever makes me feel good. And I am so fat that it is hard for me to convince myself to exercise, because it is such hard work just to even walk.

I don't know if anyone reading this can ever understand where I am coming from. You skinny people out there look at me and think, "Why doesn't he just lose weight?" "If he would just stop eating all of the 'bad' food and would exercise, he would be normal." What you don't understand is that I know how to lose weight better than anyone. I have been on every diet known to man. I understand the science behind weight loss probably better than most. I ought to. I have spent over a decade of my life studying how to lose weight. But, what I haven't discovered is how to convince myself to do actually do what I know will work- burning more calories than I take in. If I can ever figure that out, I will have no problem.

You would think I would have enough motivation with just the few evils I listed above. But, the biggest problem is that I haven't had any medical problems due to my weight. My blood pressure is normal. My glucose level is normal. My cholesterol is normal. I think if I had a reason to lose weight other than comfort of life, it would help. I am not saying that I want something to happen to me, but I am surprised it hasn't yet. Maybe it is just a matter of time...

And so the clock ticks while I stand here again at this fork in the road of life or death. I want to choose life. I want to choose life...

My Body Rejects Weight Loss

So, I spent the last week finally deciding to take the plunge and get serious about losing weight. I decided that I would start by giving up fried foods and sweets. I would also not eat anything after dinner. I would also try and get to the gym as many times as I could.

Well, I went a whole week without any fried foods or sweets (except two brownies that I ate at work). I did have taco bell once during that period, but I had beans, cheese and rice, and no beef. I also made it to the gym twice and even played a game of 2-on-2 with my son against another father/son team. (We won't talk about the final score, but I had fun playing anyway). And, I did not eat anything after dinner, which was a big change for me.

So, I fully expected to jump on the scale on Sunday (my normal weigh-in day) and see at least some sort of loss. But, of course, my body does not understand losing weight. It only understands piling it on, and on, and on. It makes no sense to me. Less calories in and burning calories by exercise should result in weight loss. I even reduced my sodium intake, thinking maybe I was retaining water. But that didn't help, obviously. I ended up gaining 2 lbs!!!!!

It makes me mad just thinking about it. I was hungry for an entire week with the opposite results I was expecting. It is enough to make you just give up...

What's the point?

A Little Weight Lost

I lost weight this week! It was only .2 lbs., but it went down instead of up. For the past several weeks, it has been slowly climbing. I hope to take this small victory and turn it into a better loss next week We'll see how it goes.

It is feet cracking time again. For the past three or four winters, my feet have suffered a drying out and painful cracking. They end up with large gaping wounds that never seem to heal and continually dry out, no matter how much lotion I put on them. I usually end up having to put band-aids on them and make sure I do not go barefoot very often. As gross as it sounds, the sweatier they are the less they crack. I know that I am probably dehydrated at the same time, so that doesn't help. I thought it may be signs of diabetes, but I have had my glucose tested and it was at a normal level. So, I think it just the extra weight my feet have to support. Anyway, it started up again this week, so that must mean that winter is right around the corner. Yeah for me.

Walk Two Miles in My Shoes

Yes, yes, believe or not, yesterday I walked two miles. Like the trail a couple of days ago, it wasn't that bad. The worst part being that I walk with a limp due to my left knee surgery. When I walk I put all of my weight on my right side. So, that causes my right side to wear out faster than my left. But other than that, it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I need to start doing it on a semi-daily basis. Once my son's football season is over, I could probably squeeze that in most evenings. At least that would be something.

I haven't really changed my diet this week, as I had planned. I know, I know...big shocker. But, hey, at least I have walked a little. :)

I did take one thing away from church this week. The pastor said, "You can't change the past, but you can directly affect the future." I realized that I have always looked at losing weight as trying to erase the mistakes I had made in the past. But, when faced with those insurmountable amount of weight, I always give up. So, I started thinking, maybe instead of trying to change the past, which is impossible, maybe I should start working on changing my future. If I can create a future where I am no longer "Mr. Fat Guy", maybe I will have a chance at getting rid of this weight. Granted, I haven't done a lot to change my future since I heard that on Sunday, but at least I have some sort of a plan. If I can make a small change every week in the way I am currently eating/exercising, then it can affect my future. I can't go back and change what I ate last week, but I can change what I do tomorrow.

Here's to the future.

Mr. Fat Guy on Vacation

It is Saturday and beautiful outside here in Northwest Arkansas, so I decided to take my family to a local hiking trail. I can definitely use the exercise, and my wife was recently instructed by her doctor to walk at least 2 miles a day, so I thought we could go with her and "kill two birds with one stone", so to speak. It was actually a nice time, other than my son insisting on walking on the edge of drop-offs. I didn't have any trouble with my knees, and I worked up a good sweat. However, when we got home and out of the truck, I sure was stiff. But, it was worth it. We got some pretty neat pictures.

Anyway, I started my week-long vacation this week. We don't have any money, because we currently have two homes and can't seem to get rid one of them, so I will just be hanging out around the house and doing as little as possible. That should be nice, too. I am convinced that I could be a hermit, if I needed to be. I enjoy being by myself sometimes. I don't get to do it very often, though. So maybe some time this week. But, I also enjoy being alone with my wife. Since the kids are in school, I will have that opportunity as well. It should be a good week.

Go Hogs..beat the Gamecocks!!!

Going on Vacation

Is is just me or do all employers try to work the poop out of you right before you go on a vacation? It has been a long week. But tomorrow is the last day of work before my ten days of doing nothing. It should be enjoyable.

I am hoping to take that ten days and start a diet and exercise program. I figure with a week off, I can get off to a great start. I should be able to devote my week to it. We'll see how it goes. I won't hold my breath. (Mainly because I don't think I can hold my breath for ten days...Probably for just a minute or so. :) )

Life has been a little better since I have been getting all of my thoughts out. I hope it continues on that pattern.